|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| There have been many changes in life recently and I feel compelled to tell the story- although it is incomplete, I think it is better to share while I'm in the thick of it. Maybe later I'd try to paint the picture a bit differently, or maybe it would be too easy to never write it all down. So here we go, the story of Us with Him.
About two months ago Nate and I started trying to move to Nashville. Honestly, the details of our start are rather unimportant to me now...we tried to force things to happen and then faced the consequences of that. Jobs fell through and the things that we thought were at our fingertips slipped further away. To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement. To say that I was angry would be, well, a huge understatement. I was angry at everyone and everything, including (and maybe starting with) God. Where did that get me? I bet you can guess. It got me just about nowhere, and I was miserable while I drove there.
The days turned into weeks and we still had nothing- no job, no home, no money. We were living with this friend one night and that friend another night. I felt embarrassed everytime I ate a meal, because I didn't pay for it. In my anger, I'd become completely self absorbed- I couldn't appreciate the generosity of my friends and family because I was too busy beating myself up for needing it. Everyday the cloud over my head became darker and darker and I'm sure everyone could see it a mile away. I felt so alone, like no one could understand what I was facing. Then one night I had a dream. In my dream I had let everything overwhelm me- the anger, the hopelessness, the fear- and I'd lost everything that was dear to me. I'd lost my husband, my family, and my faith. And I saw what being alone truly was like.
Since that day, with God and Nate's love and support, I've crawled back out of that hole. And while I'd love to say that Nate found an amazing job and we're living all our dreams out here in Nashville, I simply can't. But here is what I can say- I see the blessings all around me. The blessings of friends who have lovingly provided food for our allergy prohibited daughter. Who have shared their tables with us day after day. Who have opened up their homes to us. The blessing of knowing there are so many people praying for us on a daily basis. The blessing of having three spas this week. Of having opportunities to minister. We have never been without a thing we needed, and that is completely a God thing. And we thank Him daily and ask Him to bless all of those who have blessed us.
There are those who ask how I can be "homeless" and poor and still be happy. It's because I have a choice- I can choose life or I can choose death. I can choose to see the blessings, or I can choose to give up. And I choose to make this only a chapter of my life.
| | |
| I know, it's been awhile. But you still love me. It's naptime so I should probably make this quick. You never really know when the little one will arise. Last night I had a dream. I suppose it was more of a nightmare, actually. It started with me in a classroom- back in highschool. That's not very unusual, I have dreams about going back to highschool at least once a week (I don't know why...I also dream about tornadoes all the time, too), but this one was very different. The school kind of looked like a very cool but very strange mall and I was not any younger. In fact, I was joking about how long it had been since I had been in school. Like somehow the state took back my diploma because they found out how many times I cheated in high school (and not my finest moments, trust me). So we're in this classroom and suddenly the bell rings early. We're all packing up our stuff and joking around when we notice people are yelling in the halls. We go out and I hear someone say people have been shot. I don't know how to describe the next part...it was like a cat and mouse game with a very large cat and many frightened mice. The school wasn't very big and the hallways were open so it seemed like the shooter always had us in his sights. I didn't actually know anyone in my dream- there were no friends making cameo appearances this time, and I'm glad- but I kept trying to save anyone I could.
Then somehow the shooter had a group of us completely cornered, and we were kneeling on the ground crying. Knowing we were going to die. And as he looked around at us, pointing his gun in our faces, he asked us one question. "Do you have any regrets?"
I only had one. I said "That I won't live to see my daughter grow up, that I won't be there for her." Then I woke up. That was one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had. And I know it wasn't real, but I can't help but feel a little different today. | | |
| Sometimes I have bad days. I have days that I wake up on the wrong side of the bed after a bad night of sleep and my shower isn't warm enough and there isn't enough milk for my cereal and EVERYTHING rubs me the wrong way and I cry over a dumb commercial and I just have stinkin crazy hormones (the joy of being a woman!).
So what do I do? I kiss my baby and remember that she wasn't sent here to earth to torture me. I put on a pretty skirt. And I call my husband.
He is so wonderful and perfect and intuitive. He knows the right thing to say. He knows how to make me smile. And best of all...he knows when to ask Grandma to babysit so we can have an evening out. I am a very lucky woman. Even on my bad days. And I just want to add...whoever is praying for us, keep up the good work. God has been guiding and blessing us as we are in a season of transition right now. We can use your prayers, especially in this time! Thank you! | | |
| I wake up to what looks like a drunk baby in my bed. I quickly discern that I can lure her back to sleep, which I do. It takes some tricky manuevering to then get out of bed without disturbing her, but I manage to succeed! That means I get to go to the bathroom without her starting at me...sweet! She wakes up half an hour later. Not too bad, I got to check my email at least. First diaper change of the day...she manages to wriggle away and we spend a few minutes playing what she thinks is chase. For me, it's a game of "catch her before she pees on the carpet". Typical first few hours. Breakfast, book reading, laughing at funny faces. I put together some favors for a shower my mom is throwing and I spill a handful of jelly beans on the floor...this leads to lots of giggling as mommy runs all over the kitchen picking up bouncing jelly beans off the tile floor before any of them get picked up by little fingers. There is some pouting over this, but I hand her a cracker and the world is right again. At one point I'm putting some things away and suddenly, she's out of my sight. Where is she? I look around and finally find her squatting it out in a corner. No one ever told me about this before motherhood! Time for a diaper change. She's sleepy but refuses to nap. Instead she clocks me in the forhead with board books. Not just once, but THREE TIMES! I had the biggest red mark. I'll admit, I yelled initially out of pain. That made her jump into my arms crying. She then spent a few minutes stroking my cheek trying to say "gentle"...yeah, she knows she shouldn't hurt mommy. It was so cute that she scored some cuddle time. I thought that would lead to a nap but... Four in the afternoon and still no nap. I want to cry. She IS crying because she's way too sleepy. In fact, she's been in my lap since two...if I try to put her down anywhere she pretty much screams. Gilmore Girls keeps me from losing it. Finally...she sleeps at five. And as I began that sentence I hear her crying. It's not even six yet. Sigh. I did this for no other reason than to vent. If you read this far, good for you. | | |
| It's the time every mother looks forward to. The time we have to regain some sanity so we can face the rest of the day. I'll admit...I start counting the minutes until naptime about an hour after she is awake. I'm not a horrible mother, I promise! It's just that when she wakes up for the day she's only half convinced that she really wants to be awake. So she's all giggles and smiles until after breakfast when she is just ready for more sleep. Problem is, she has no idea that's what she needs. So she insists on sitting in my lap and having me read books until she finally gives in to the idea of napping.
Book Count Today:
2x's- Corduroy Goes to the Doctor
2x's- Dora's Meet The Animals!
3x's- God Gave Us You
4x's- Two Hands Two Feet
4x's- The Going to Bed Book At least she loves to read. And now I get to the true purpose of this entry (took me awhile)...to brag on Gabriella and all the cute things she is now doing. For one thing, when we read God Gave Us You she knows the book enough now that she points to herself and says her version of "you" (sounds more like doo) whenever we read the words "because God gave us you!" It is absolutely adorable. And when we read Corduroy Goes to the Doctor, she does all sorts of cute things. Like pointing to her ears when Corduroy gets his ears checked, and patting her chest and saying "bum-bum" when the doctor listens to Corduroy's heart. As sick as I am of the book, I love how she does that! I'm not even sure of all the words she knows now, it seems like there's a new one every day. Down and water are fairly new ones. But nothing will top how we feel about her newest words- "I love you". Of course, it sounds more like "I loo" but we know what it means and that makes me all weepy eyed just typing about it. I can't believe I have a walking talking toddler! She is so smart and so affectionate and more wonderful than I could have ever anticipated. To my expecting friends- I am so happy for you and can't wait for you to have these same wonderful experiences...you are in for an amazing ride! | | |
|
